The Opera That Went Horribly Wrong
by Sonuckles
Summary: My first fanfic from late '99. It's an alternate take on the Opera scene, only Aya's been pretty much sonuckle'd. i.e. she's a complete idiot. Read it lightly, or else you'll hurt your mind.


**The Opera That Went Terribly Wrong  
**

**Dec.24/1997**

It had been a dark Christmas Eve night in New York. So far, a strange woman had been seen at Carnige Hall the night before. She started out as a simple opera singer, but after her debut something strange happened. Her song left the audience speechless. Well, considering the fact that they had all combusted, I guess that's the only reaction she could expect.

A rookie cop named Aya Brea was one of the only survivors. She ran up onstage, gun by her side, in search of this once opera singer. After shooting it many times and not hitting, she got tired, pulled out the club, and smacked the shinola outta the creature.  
The monster took off fleeing, but Aya gave chase. "Where are you going?", yelled Aya.

"GO AWAY!", the creature retorted.

"I'm not leaving till you tell me what's goin on! Why did those people blow up? Why didn't I blow up?! What's with you?!?!" yelled Aya frantically.

Just then the monster slammed into the floor making a big hole. "Now that's what I call one hard head.", said Aya jumping down the hole.

Just then Aya saw a transparent girl dressed in hospital garments. "Ok, what's goin on now?! I just wanted to see this opera! Now I have to give chase to a big pale lady with no legs, and have strange ghost girls running around in hospital clothing. I know opera is an acquired taste, but this is ridiculous! What's gonna happen next?! Are big mutant rats gonna come out and try to play fetch with me?!"

All of a sudden Aya heard a squeal come from the floor. It was a rat scurrying across the floor, but strangely this rat was wobbling like it was drunk.

"Eww! A rat! HELP!" yelled Aya covering her eyes and turning her head. Then the rat started frantically twitching. Its teeth grew to fangs, its paws into giant claws, its tail ripped into three sections. It screamed a loud roar.

"Huh... ooh! A cute little puppy!" said Aya grabbing the mutated rat and squeezing it until it disintegrated. "Uh... puppy, where dija go?" Aya looked down. "Ooh... puppy, you should have gotten those rabies shots, now look at you... you're a mess. Oh well." Aya pranced away.

Sweet music wafted through the air like the sweet smell of freshly baked cookies. "Oh my! Someone's playing the piano! Maybe they can tell me what's goin on!" thought Aya aloud. With a loud creek Aya opened the rusty door. There she saw the female creature playing the piano.

"Ugh, you! Who are you?!" yelled Aya.

"I am Eve." said the creature calmly.

"Uh... Eve... uh... that's a nice name... I guess." said Aya with a curious look on her face.

"Do not be afraid for soon your mitochondria will awaken and then you and I will rule the world hahahahahaha!" cackled Eve hysterically.

"Oh, well, I'm gonna have to kill you now." said Aya loading her gun.

"Why, child?" asked Eve.

"Cause... everyone knows that only the President rules the world." said Aya inserting the refilled clip.

"Uh... you're not gonna use that on me are you?" asked Eve with a change in demeanor.

"Heck no! I'm a terrible shot. No, no, I'm gonna beat the stuffing outta you with my club!" shouted Aya putting the gun away and pulling out her trusty nightstick.

SWISH Aya swung the club with all her might POW and hit Eve right in the mouth. Aya pulled back the club, charged up, and... "BLAMO!" knocked Eve straight outta the Theatre.

"Hahaha... all those baseball lessons paid off." Aya smiled.

Aya retraced her path through the building. Back at the main hall Aya saw the charred remains of some of the people from the theatre.

"Ung..." moaned one of the victims.

"Hang on, I'll get help." said Aya stooping down over the burnt carcass.

"No, I don't have much time... don't waste your time. Ung my life is slowly flashing before my eyes... let me tell you what I see. Oh, there's my first birthday... I was only year old ya know..."

**Five hours later**

"Oh and there's five hours ago why I was..." the victim gave out a large gasp.

"ZZZZZZZ!" Aya was lying asleep on the floor next to the burned victim. "Huh, you done yet? Can I go get help now, or are you dead yet?" said Aya feeling for the victim's pulse. "Nooooo! He's dead! I... I was a failure! Noooo!"

BUUZZZZZZZ!! "Huh?!" Aya sat up in bed. "Whew! Just a dream. It seemed so real... oh that's right I would never go to the opera. Hahaha." she chuckled. "Hey! Today's the day of the Loud Screamin' Flaming Pants concert at the Central Park amphitheatre." Aya remembered, and with that she lept out of bed and began her day.

**Dec.25/1997**

That night there had been a large turn out at the Loud Screamin' Flaming Pants concert. Things had been going great till one of the rockers flaming pants caught the amplifier on fire and exploded. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Eve fell out of the sky and landed on the stage.

"Ung... Where am I?" asked Eve as she began to get up.

"Wooo! Would ya look at that?! We've never had a fan sky dive onto the stage during a preformance!" said one of the band members. "Gotta get her outta here! She's stinkin' up the amphitheatre." said another.

"Gasp! It's Eve!" yelled Aya "Luckily I brought my club just in case."

"Oh no! Not that #$ing club again! Ugh..." groaned Eve.

Aya shot through the mosh pit and onto the stage. Eve, I'm gonna finish you off!" yelled Aya.

"Do you take that thing everywhere you go? What the…? Why?" Eve asked confused.

"Hey, a lady has to protect herself in these times, you know?"

"Haven't you heard of mace before?"

"Maces are too heavy to carry around in my pockets."

"What, and night sticks aren't? Besides… I mean mace- the spray…"

Aya bit her lower lip in confusion.

"Never mind. Look are you gonna hit me with that stick again?!" asked Eve.

"What this old thing? Heck no, I'm gonna summon Ifrit!" Aya said.

"unnn... look, I give up. You're too stupid. I don't want to rule over a bunch of morons like you, anyway! That would probably be too easy. I want a challenge! That's it! I'm gonna change my name to Sephiroth and take over Midgar! Hahahahahaha..." cackled Eve as she flew off into space.

To this day no one has ever heard from Eve. The only remaining records of her poorly disguised alias, Sephiroth, can be found in Final Fantasy VII, where even there she got beat up by a large sharp stick, wielded by another blonde woman… I think. Oh well, darn the luck.

THE END

Author's notes:

Well, this was my first fanfic in all its horrible glory. It's hard to believe I wrote this so long ago. I suppose, everyone's gotta start somewhere, right? I'm just amazed I was still able to find it out in the corners of cyber-space. Anyway, it I thought it was at least worth sharing again.

-'knuckles


End file.
